Double Digits

Wow. How has it been two months since Maggie joined us? She's ten weeks old today- TEN! WEEKS! I can't believe it. September just blew by. Well, really October did too. It's amazing how fast the days go by, even the hard ones. They seem slower but looking back they really go by just as fast. We really are blessed- Maggie is a good baby. She gets the most upset when she's hungry, and moderately upset when wet or tired. Other than that she just hangs out. I sometimes feel like she's bored, so we travel from swing to play mat to blanket with toys, etc. She really loves her changing table and I think would stay there kicking all day if I let her. Her first month was full of getting used to each other and figuring things out. And lots of pictures.

Getting ready to watch the Bears game

Whoo hoo!

It's amazing how much she changed in a month. The first few weeks it was a struggle trying to figure out her feeding needs. Then, like magic, we fell into a groove when she turned one month old. We were sidelined with a bout of thrush that took quite some time to go away, but it didn't seem to bother her and she continued to grow and thrive. At her one month appointment she weighed 7lbs 7oz and 20 3/4 inches long.

October brought more alone time with just mommy as visits started to thin out, especially during the day, and all my help went back to work. So we just enjoyed each other. Through the month we went to Target for the first time, the pumpkin patch and celebrated our birthdays. A couple weeks ago, Maggie really started smiling with intent and at our silly voices and my heart melted. We're in trouble when she gets older. But put her by the ceiling fan and forget it- good luck getting her attention! It doesn't even have to be going, as long as she can look at it she's happy.

On the business side of things, we're working on tummy time (which she doesn't really like) and not favoring the right side so much (per the doctor). I find myself getting worked up about the littlest things so I'm working on myself too. I'm definitely the worrier parent and really need to learn just because something changes out of our "normal rhythm" doesn't mean it's bad or that something is wrong. Otherwise this is going to be tough since babies change all the time. Dale is the much more relaxed parent and takes things in stride and doesn't worry. It's amazing really. I wish I can be more like that sometimes and I wonder if it's a mother/father difference or if it's just my personality to worry more. Anyway- back to Maggie. Her naps during the day are more like cat naps. 25-40 minutes and a time but she's not cranky in between and sleeps well at night, which I'm thankful for. She likes spending time in her swing and on her mat still, but when she's had enough she definitely lets me know. She absolutely loves her bath. I can't wait until she's bigger and starts kicking and playing in it. I should probably invest in ponchos! Her two month doctor appointment was on Halloween. She now weighs 9lb 5oz and 22 inches long. She's really growing! I had to retire her newborn clothes and we're now in 3 months. Some are still big but I know she'll grow into them in no time. I can't imagine life before her now even though she's only been her for a short time. She's already daddy's girl and I can't wait to see their relationship grow.

Enjoying her whale tub

We think this lion is her best friend. She stares and talks to him.

2 months old- 10/28/11

Nom nom nom. 1st Halloween- 10/31/11

I'm so excited to see her personality really come through in the coming months. But that means she'll grow up too! She's getting so big before my very eyes and before I know it she'll be running around. A part of me can't wait, but a part of me would love for her to be a little baby forever.

A Sad Day

It's a sad day, well sad last night as well, in my household. My husband's beloved Bears were booted out of the race for Superbowl champs and the right to relive the glory of 1985. Some might not warrant this worthy of a blog post, but friends, it really affects my husband. He was in such a mood last night that we hardly spoke and he didn't want to watch the second game- he was done with football. It didn't help that he spent all week gloating and telling anyone that will listen that they were going to win. He posted all kinds of anti-Green Bay pictures on his Facebook...

(There were ones that were much worse that I will not share haha)

All the preparation and stress of the week to be let down. I quote "My head hurts, my heart hurts and I hate life". haha. He wants to put the house up for sale because our next door neighbors are Packers fans and he can't take the shame. Now, of course he's being dramatic with all the hating life and selling the house business because come on, it really is just a football game. He told me I don't understand because I'm a Cubs fan and I'm used to feeling the pain of losing. (Baseball season is always rough in our house). After the loss, he promptly ripped off his #54 jersey (he already rid himself of the Cutler jersey he started the game off with when he did not come back in to play) grabbed his White Sox fleece blanket and laid on the couch the rest of the night. I talked to him this morning on my way to work and he said he felt better but it would take time. (I'm laughing as I type this). I just looked at his Facebook page and he just replaced his Bears profile picture with that of the White Sox emblem. I questioned him and the sudden change and he said "I'm ready to move on to better and brighter days." So friends, if your husbands or wives are seemingly distraught over the game and you think the entire week is ruined, fear not, there is light at the end of the tunnel. Now, let's see if our house divided will survive baseball season. GO CUBS!!!

…And a Happy New Year!

 Well, 2011 is here! I can’t believe. I hope everyone had a wonderful holiday season. It's hard to believe it’s already gone, but I’m slightly excited to return to “normal” life again. Don’t get me wrong, I loved the extra time off of work and the wonderful family time, but sometimes there is just so much to do you feel out of sorts. And I’m just kind of ready for my sorts to be put back in place.

I’ve never been one to make resolutions. I don’ really know why. I think because most of the people I know that make them quit by the end of January. And it’s often very apparent to me when people drop their resolutions when I go to the gym January 3rd and it is PACKED then I go on February 3^rd and it’s back to normal. Or when on the first Tuesday of January, my Weight Watchers meeting is standing room only and then in February I can sit again. I’m not saying anything bad about these people. It’s hard to make a change you’re not used to and we put way too much pressure on ourselves to do it and do it now. I think a change in lifestyle has to be a gradual thing because obviously it’s something we’re not used to, otherwise it’s just too much. I want my changes to be long term and spread out so I feel like I can truly succeed and not just do it half way. This year, I’m committed to getting back on the healthy lifestyle horse. More working out, more eating better, but mostly, more positive thinking and being kinder to myself. I’m going to try to not sweat the small stuff and realize what’s really important. All too often I find myself stressing about something that isn’t even important or doesn’t even affect me and I’d really like that to stop. It’s going to be hard because I think I’m a worrier by nature, so maybe along the way I can find external way to distress. Soothing music, scents, teas- anyone want to share their favorite tricks to relax and be stress free?

Hope everyone is happy and healthy in 2011!

Social Media

I recently watched a movie (I can’t for the life of me remember the name or the rest of the plot) that talked about 2009 like it was WAY in the future. Flying cars, futuristic clothes- the works. We’re not quite there yet in 2010, but sometimes I still can’t believe the strides technology and social media has made. I remember the days of calling our friends on our home phones asking “can you play?” Granted I was much younger back then, but that’s what we did. Or we just stopped by. But if we were lucky we could leave a message on an answering machine, otherwise we just waited until they got home. That's the way life was- lots of waiting and we were okay with that. Now, my brother who is the same age now as I was then, is texting his friends, IM-ing or waiting for his parents to come home to take him somewhere because walking or riding your bike takes too long. It seems to be more of an instant gratification thing. I'm in that mindset now too sometimes, but he can get just way too impatient if a friend doesn't text back right away. He'll text again and again. I ask him why he just won't call and leave a message, and he looks at me like I have 3 heads. Then I feel inclined to say "you know when I was your age" but then I stuff that inside cause I'm not that old! There are so many ways of getting a hold of someone or putting yourself out in the cyber-world it’s amazing. I’m not saying it’s a bad thing, but sometimes I feel like I can’t keep up. My brother is 12 and I’m 29 and he’s more advanced than I am! I admit, some of it is probably just me. I don’t really instant message, I joined Facebook a little over a year ago and just started to blog. I don’t have an I-Phone (though I REALLY want one) and I haven’t started tweeting- yet. But my old ways have definitely changed to keep up with the new ways of the world. Where I once used to spend hours on the phone catching up with friends, writing notes to pass in the hall in my school days or sending a letter to a friend who moved away, a simple “how have you been” text or email takes its place. Sometimes I’m okay with it seeing as how I seem to have less time to be on the phone, and of course email is so quick. But sometimes, I miss writing a letter to someone and thinking about how excited they’ll be to get it (or am I the only one who loves getting mail?) or the anticipation of knowing you’ll be getting a letter soon. So, in 2011, I’m going to try to bring back some of those old traditions. I’m going to send more letters/cards- even just little simple ones to let friends know I’m thinking of them even if I get to see them. I’m going to make that phone call to the friends I haven’t talked to in 4 months so I can hear their voice instead of the hey-how-are-you text. I’m still going to text and email, but I’m going to go old school again too. I’m still going to Facebook, still going to blog and I think I’m going to join twitter. Even though technology and life is speeding up and it can be hard to keep up, it's time to because some things really are too good not to share right away. And I think I’m going to have a lot of good things to tweet about in 2011.

Weighing Down

This post has been sitting in my drafts for awhile, it's not even a huge deal, just took me some time to hit publish. It's my first "venting" post. And while I still feel guilty for it because there are so many more important things going on- I also need to remember this is my space to write my thoughts and reach out to the blog world. And maybe one day in the future, I can look back here and be proud of the changes I made. So, here it goes. Weight loss is hard. Now, I don't want to sound too dramatic because I know many people have their ups and down, but this is my worst personal demon. It's also something I don't talk about a lot save for in my Weight Watchers meetings or with a select few friends, one if which who is taking the journey with me. I don't know that I "struggled" with weight when I was younger, I was just kind of oblivious too it. I wasn't the overweight kid in grammar school. I didn't go away to school, but I did work retail and the eating Taco Bell after a night shift caught up with me. Time went on and I started really feeling the effects of my weight mentally. In 2002, I was going through a particularly rough fall quarter in college and weeks before my 21st birthday, I broke down. I was in my then boyfriends driveway and started crying uncontrollably about my weight, the way I looked, the stress of school, everything. After it happened I wanted to brush it off- and to be completely honest, I don't remember a lot of that night. I know that for the next few weeks a lot of people were there to support me and help me and I know that that night was the start of years of beating myself up about my weight. It didn't help that certain members of my family always made not so nice comments about it too. When I turned 21 I was so excited, all but a couple of my friends were older than me, and they were so excited to take me to all the fun places and dance our nights away. I was the biggest in the group, and a lot of times I spent those nights out mentally beating myself up and wondering why I couldn't be pretty and skinny like my girlfriends- silly I know, but it still happened. But there were also times that I didn't think about it at all- and of course I never talked about it. Finally in May of 2007, a friend talked about her joining Weight Watchers and I decided to join with her, and so did another friend. I didn't feel like I was being saved and there was no big "it's about time" epiphany, but I just did it cause why not- her idea was my in.

I saw success with it right away and within a couple months I lost 20 pounds, and 14 months after I started I was 6 pounds away from my goal, having lost 55 pounds. I never felt better about myself. I hate to sound vain in that way, but I finally felt like a "normal, cute" girl. It was wonderful. Somehow, life happened and I started gaining some weight back- which looking back at pictures was ok because I think I was getting a little too skinny. It was still a manageable lifestyle, but it became a little harder for me to maintain, even though for the most part I was still doing good. In June of 2009 I gained 12 pounds back and in August just as I was getting it under control, I fell at the gym (the day before my wedding shower and a month before my wedding), and severely sprained my ankle. I was on crutches and in an air cast and later had months of physical therapy and shots. Needless to say, I couldn't work out for 8 months and coupled with the first year of marriage I gained a lot more weight than I should have. The program was slightly followed but not like it should've been and I didn't work out at all- it didn't occur to me then to continue lifting hand weights and do sit ups. Every time I tried to get back on track, my body didn't respond like the first time where there was more of a shock to my system. The weight came back in different places which was a hard pill to swallow too. The worst part is that I never quit Weight Watchers. Who gains weight while still a member? Today, I'm still struggling. I haven't lost all the weight I gained back and everyday is a constant battle with my mind trying not to be down on myself. My leader tells me it will happen- she quit and gained back all her weight 3 times and has now kept it off for 14 years- but somehow I don't have faith. I feel like I'll be stuck this way forever- mostly because the results aren't showing like before and I don't know why. But I also know I need to do better. And I need to not stress and be kinder to myself. I try to believe that people don't see me for my weight but what I have to offer- wonderful friendship, loyalty, fun and the occasional sarcastic remark. I know this is true, but for me, weight is a big thing. I feel I needed to write this out so I can become more accountable. I know I could use all the support I can get and would also love to support others on their journey. So if anyone knows anyone else taking the weight loss journey who struggle, succeed or anything let me know and we can help each other. Support is invaluable and I know with a few more pushes I can finally get my inner demon under control.

29 Is Fine

Today is my 29th birthday. Now, anyone that knows me knows I have always LOVED my birthday. A lot. I get teased for how much I love it. It's the one day that the world stops and it's all about me. The montly countdown begins at the half way mark in April, and once October hits it's "26 days til my birthday, 25 days til my birthday", you get the point. And being that it's at the end of the month, let's just say it's a long October for anyone who has to hear it. But, I don't care. I love my birthday.

See, even back in the day I loved to get my party on.

Now I feel kind of weird writing my own birthday post, but there is reason behind it. This year, I'm not as excited about my day (gasp!). In fact, up until someone reminded me last week, I forgot it was coming. I think part of it has to do with everything going on with our house and moving and all that. Having a week off really messed up my concept of time. Part of it is probably that in 2 days it's my husbands birthday so everytime I count down he adds two days and does it too (I think it's to make me mad) and instead of having my own birthday celebration I have to share it. Selfish, maybe, but it took some getting used to while we were dating! But the big part of it is- holy cow I'll be 30 next year. A whole year from now, but still, it's close. My "timeline" I planned for myself when I was younger is not what it was and I'm still getting used to that. I was supposed to have one or two kids by now and getting settled into life forever. Now, I've barely been married a year, been in a house for two weeks and just starting to get ready to start a family. And I know this is all ok. I'm by no means old, and I just have to except that my plan is different now. Sometimes it's a hard pill to swallow, but most times I couldn't be more grateful because with the old plan, I wouldn't be with my husband and where I am now. So on this 29th birthday, I am just thankful for everything I have, the amazing people I'm surround with and just to be able to celebrate. Happy Birthday, Me!

Humbled

This week, I wanted to write a post about how difficult life is right now. House buying stuff, marriage stuff, etc. I don't want to be thought of as a complainer, but sometimes a girl just needs to vent and I thought blogging would be a perfect outlet. But so many other things have been going on and have come up this week with people in my life that are much more important- a child's health, their own health, serving our country, etc. and I am humbled and realize that no matter how aggravated and upset I get right now, that this that I'm going through- shall pass. And I pray fervently for those with more urgent things going on and that everything will work out. Sickness will heal, wisdom for doctors and protection for those at war. Peace for those who lost a loved one and those with unanswered questions and diagnosis. I know that everyone is entitled to have their bad days and to look for reassurance, but this week, I choose to move past it.

My blog journey has been short as I'm just diving in, but if it's one thing that I've learned from behind the scenes and just reading is that it is an awesome community of support, learning and so much more. Something I'm thrilled to embark upon. I'm sure one day I will write that venting post, but for today, I'm just thankful to be here.